I remember the moment like it was yesterday. Walking down the stairs to my bedroom. Nothing left in me. Consumed by hopelessness and a reality that I was lost without answers and I didn’t know what to do next. I made a career out of speaking to thousands about living the life of your dreams! Achieving the body of your dreams! Living with purpose! And here I was hopeless. My multiple businesses were crashing down to bankruptcy, my personal relationship had fallen apart, my health was deteriorating without answers and I struggled with the truth behind my purpose.
Just to back up a bit, I spent my whole adult life in some capacity as a coach. I was that positive, bubbly person everyone enjoyed being around. I believed in the attraction game. I thought about what I wanted, did all the “right” steps and I got it. I was the one who put my mind to a goal, went after it and achieved it.
Then everything changed.
My whole world began to turn upside down. My thought was “how did I attract this?” I would never want this. Over a course of 7 years (yes, this unraveling was painful and slow), all my businesses closed or sold for under market value, court orders appeared, my health fell apart and my significant other suddenly died in my arms on a Sunday afternoon.
Along with my life completely turning upside down, my beliefs were too. I believed that if I went through life with a game plan (a vision); positive thinking; affirmations, everything would always go my way. I believed that if I did the “right” thing, rewards would follow. It always worked before, what was different now? And it was happening over a 7-year period.
I mean think about this. Nothing I did worked. I couldn’t turn my businesses around; I couldn’t turn my health around, and life ended for someone I loved in a split second.
Everything I “believed” to be true, wasn’t working. What do you do? After 7 years of one failure after another, I was spiritually bankrupt, emotionally bankrupt and financially bankrupt.
That led me to my walk downstairs to my bedroom. I’m not sure what for except to curl under my covers and close my eyes and cry. I was hopeless. I had no answers and no game plan. After a few hours of hiding under the covers and crying, something happened.
An indescribable peacefulness came over me. It was at that moment, I had an answer! I got on my knees and I surrendered and asked Jesus to take over. To literally save me.
I remember wailing out loud. It was a cry I had never heard from myself before. Not one to fear, more of a release. I finally felt someone was there with me, someone who had the answers. I didn’t feel alone. For the first time in years, I didn’t feel alone, and I wasn’t in fear of not having the answers.
Things didn’t turn around at first, however, I had hope. I had hope in my heart. Not the kind of hope found in this world. A hope in truth. A hope in the truth of what the Bible says. The promises in the Bible, the word of God….an absolute truth.
My life is unrecognizable now! I now serve my Lord and Savior Jesus as a Christian minister and coach women around the world how to live their faith in action with Jesus!
I live with the purpose I was created for not the purpose “I thought” I was created for and I live in constant hope and peace. I live with a truth that I can depend and rely on and I live in a way that serves rather than just exists.
Bad things still happen, however, now I know I never fight alone, and I know that the victory has already been received!